Job Searching : Blue :: Employment : Orange

If Job Searching is Blue, Employment is Orange

My search for a job is really getting me down.
My job is really getting me down.
My life is really getting me down.
I'm continually criticizing everything I make only to send it out and be rejected at every opportunity. So I keep editing my work, fixing problems, adding new work, but I'm still met with the same reaction. It's not good enough, someone else is more qualified.
Of course someone else is more qualified. Since when have I been #1 at anything. I was never the most talented, smartest, ambitious, or fastest at any of the things of done, but it never stopped me from trying, and I've done some really great things, but I'm at the point now where trying doesn't seem to be worth it anymore.
I know how to use the Adobe Creative Suite (illustrator, indesign, and photoshop to be exact) I can draw some pictures, heck, I can even make something look real; I got a degree from Minneapolis Community and Technical College. I see myself as an artist and if you hired me to work for you I could make you something beautiful and maybe even functional
I don't know what I want.
I want to get paid more than $9.50/hr.
I want to love my job.
I want to be happy.
I want to not feel alone and lost and useless.
I want to work hard on a project and see it through to the end and see someone become excited about my work and see someone enjoy what I made. I want to not feel poor. I want to be able to pay my bills and go grocery shopping and maybe have enough extra money to take my girlfriend out on a date from time to time. I want to save money. I want to have a family. I want to be proud of the work I do. I want to live my life. I don't want to be weighed down by my underemployment. I don't want to waste my life selling shit I can't afford to people with more money to spend in an evening than I make in 2 weeks. I want to work for a company that loves people not profits. I want to spend my evenings and weekends with the people that are important to me not at work because the only shifts available are at night.
I want to be a graphic designer because I love to make things. I want to make things. I want to design your name. I want to design your card. I want to design your product. I want to design your store. I want to design your website. I want to design your customer's experience. I can make all of those things. I can make them better than they are and I can make them better than you can imagine them.
I just need to be employed.
I need to be scraped up off the curb and put to work.
I just want to start my career, and I want to shine. I'm sick of my stagnant life. I want a change. I need a change.
This job searching business is not for me, I'm an artist. I'm a graphic designer.